I attended the Saturday Vigil mass yesterday at Holy Family Parish. It's a little ironic that this church in Kirkland has the same name as the church I attended for 18+ years in my hometown. I'm certain there are thousands of Holy Family churches across the good ol' USA, but still, I find it a bit of a ko-ink-a-dink.
I've attended church very sporadically since graduating college. And I have not yet had my girls baptized in the Catholic church. There's many reasons why I drifted away from the church: my husband is not Catholic (nor does he practice any faith), I don't agree with some of the church doctrines (heck, I was a Philosophy major, so I've become the ultimate cynic), and I also think religion (in general) usually bears some hypocrisy. And, as I've long argued with people, I think a person can be intensely spiritual without going to church every Sunday and being part of a faith based community. But, having said all that, I haven't felt right about not practicing anything formal.
I'm sure that has a lot to do with how I grew up: church every Sunday, CCD classes during the week in elementary, first communion, going to confession, fully participating in Lent and Advent activities, etc.
That was my "normal".
Some of the "hypocrisy" I find in the faith comes from my own family dynamics. My father was a devoted Roman Catholic, and expected the same from his children. We were to never be late to Mass and had to dress up in our church clothes (for kids that ran around in an apple orchard most of the time, this was quite a feat). And God Forbid if we were not anything but angels during the service. I mean, honestly, this was high expectations: 3 girls and 2 boys in ages from 15 down to 5. Looking back, I seriously don't know how we (the kids) did it. My dad also participated in Stephen Ministries and retreats and marriage encounters. Sounds like a great guy, right? Not. In fact, he's one of the most selfish people I know. A perfect example of someone who twists and morphs a religion so that it works for themselves, regardless of their behavior. No altruistic intentions. And the coup de grace? He had his marriage to my mother annulled at that same church, so he would be free to marry someone else. I'm not sure how a 30 year marriage that resulted in 5 children can be annulled, but what the heck do I know?
So, you can see why I may have some issues with Catholicism.
Yet, as the years have passed, I've grown up enough to stop blaming the religion. That's just silly, right? And there are things about the faith that resonate with me. It's worth giving it another "go" and seeing where it takes me.
And there have been some "ah ha" moments along the way, that have steered me to where I am now, emotionally. A good friend of mine attends Holy Family and has been talking it up for several years. She's offered to go with me, invited me to a Mom's group, etc. For some reason, it didn't feel like the right time. And then, recently, a yoga buddy and I were talking before class...and I found out she goes there too. AND she's part of the team that arranges baptisms for older children. She even brought me a church bulletin, that she toted around in her purse for a week! I was sincerely touched and also felt like it was another door opening. It was up to me to walk on through....
And that's what I did.
No comments:
Post a Comment