Day 21: Visiting Mom @ the cemetery.

'Twas Winter Break on Thurs/Friday so the girls and I scooted over to Yakima for the day to visit with Mom/Grandma Angel...

What a beautiful day for a drive - roads were bare and dry and the sun was shining! The girls were awesome in the car, too. 

We hit Yak by about noon and went to my girlfriend's to see her new townhouse. YAY Diana! So proud of you on buying your first home. Not an easy venture as a single Mom....way to go! Another girlfriend, Michelle, was there with her new baby, Tanner. Cute, cute, cute little boy. It's so fun to spend time with friends who have known me since junior high. We may not see each other often, but it seems like we pick up right where we left off.

It's also fun to see each other in the Mom role. Who would have thought we'd all turn out to be excellent Mommies? From soccer practice, to Homecoming dances, to keggers in the middle of the boonies, to first loves and first heartbreaks, to college and then marriage and/or kids. It's been a journey for all of us and I have to say to these special friends: I love you and I thank you! :)

After lunch with all the girls (and Baby Tanner) at Red Robin, it was time to hit the cemetery. The girls were actually excited to do this. I talk about my mom a lot and I think in many ways, they feel they know her. It's very sweet. Once we got to the right area of the cemetery and parked the car, I started unloading (flowers and supplies to clean off the headstone). Meanwhile, Holly and Sydney opted to run around with their RR balloons. It was quite an emotional sight. Pics below, so see for yourself. 

My mom took care and time to choose the exact location she picked at the cemetery. There is a gorgeous tree (well, not so much in the winter!) and the view from her "spot" is really wonderful. I know she wanted a place that her kids and grandchildren could come to and find peace. And we do. What a gift that was to us. 

The epitaph, under her name, is "Remember Me, Loving You".  Perfection.

Of course, I had my "ugly cry" as I always do when I am there and have a little chat with my Tiny Mom.   

Which leads to Holly crying and hugging me. And then Syd joins in too. But I wouldn't want it any other way. Life is a crazy beautiful thing. That is what I know for sure.

 It's hard to explain but losing a parent is such a humbling, gut wrenching experience. Especially so, I think, if that parent has been ill for awhile.  Seeing the fragility of our parents is both troubling and sad. And it's a right of passage that probably always comes before we are prepared for it.  I had years to get ready for my mom's death (and there were several close calls during her 12 year battle with leukemia), but when the moment came I was incredulous that she was really, really gone.  I was left standing there thinking "how did this happen" and "I am not ready". But, I also felt incredibly thankful that someone I loved with my whole heart was no longer in pain or suffering. There's such relief in that.

About a week before my mom died (she was on Hospice care), I was helping her to the bathroom. She was on so many meds that she was very weak and her mind would check in and check out. But as we made our way to the bathroom she said to me, clear as a bell  "Amy, I see it. And it's wonderful. I am free. I am running. No Groshong. (This is a long term intravenous catheter in your chest for drugs once your veins are shot to shit from so many medications). "I am running and I am free". Her blue eyes were shining and she stood up straighter than I'd seen in a long, long time. And then, she checked out again. She slumped down and I basically had to carry her back to bed.  I will never, ever forget that moment. I know what she saw was real. It was her Heaven and she was ready. 

And it's that memory that I go to whenever I am pissed off or feeling sorry myself that she isn't here anymore. I think of Tiny Mom, free and at peace. And I am comforted. Some days more so than others, but that's something. Isn't it?