Words cannot describe how I feel about yoga. To put it mildly, I 'effin LOVE it.
I've been practicing it once a week for the past 2 years. In the past 6 months I've added a second day to the weekly routine of cardio/weights, etc. My task today was to throw one more in the mix, to up the ante to -3- times. I had every intention of visiting my yoga guru, Heather, at the other gym she teaches at. Sadly, it just was too arduous to fit it in, with the busy week I had planned. So, I re-calibrated and decided to hit a noon power yoga session at my own gym. And I love this instructor, too. She's from Ireland, so she has an irresistible accent. She's also very sweet and very knowledgeable. She recently taught a Detox Yoga workshop that I attended and it was fab, fab, fab!
(Another unexpected benefit of this -40- in -40- challenge is that I am feeling more and more okay with "being flexible" and not being thwarted if a plan doesn't go the way I wanted it to. Those that know me well, know I am a complete planner and thrive on being organized and having a schedule. This new "go with the flow"philosophy is not one that comes naturally for me, but I've come to see how it can bring about more happiness and less disappointment. Nice!)
So, as much as I wanted to hit another "Heather" class, I went with "Plan B yoga" and it was great. And I felt wonderful the remainder of the day.
I dabbled in yoga years prior to having kids but I was, honestly, more in it for the "work out" than the mind/body connection. I just wanted "yoga arms"... HA!
But, in the past -2- years it's been a life changer for me. Don't get me the wrong, I still adore the endorphin high of it (my Sunday vinyasa/ashtanga class is a total sweat inducer and every muscle gets worked. And I think I do have pretty nice "yoga arms"...Hee Hee!) but I've finally transcended into the mind/body connection. Which, really, is the whole point of it, yes?
I've lost most of the self judgement and sense of competitiveness in my practice. Which is pretty huge for me. I'm very competitive. Years of playing soccer, having older brothers, being the youngest of 5 kids, having a husband that is awesome at every type of physical activity (well, except yoga! LOL!) has made me into a pretty dang competitive spirit. I do my very best to let that go in yoga. And it has made all the difference.
At some point at my Sunday morning yoga class, I started placing my mat in the back of the class/studio, away from the mirrors. Unusual for me, because in a "class" environment I usually like to be upfront and be motivated by those around me. That was my first step, if you will, into letting go of any narcissistic competitiveness. I have to trust that my body and my mind are working together so that I have the right form. And I have to trust that my instructors will guide me when I need it. And I have to let go of looking at myself and critiquing how I look or how "good" I am doing. I totally lose myself in the rhythm of the poses. It's like nothing else I've ever done. And, as I said before so crassly: "I effin' love it!".
In giving up the "expectation" of the practice, I've simultaneously lost the fear of failure. I am open to trying more and failing more.
Oddly, I've actually been able to do more things than in the past. I easily pop up into Crow and have just nailed Side Crow and am working on Clown into Headstand. My Warrior 3's are awesome. Standing Splits (hello, tight hamstrings!) are ridiculous but I am working at it and "leaning into the discomfort". It's amazing what your body can do if your mind is on board. And I FEEL the difference, emotionally and physically. It's like the struggle of it is gone. Left in it's place is peace and joy and gratitude for what my body can do. And not every session is the same. Some days, my balance is off or my arms just feel too tired to do one more chaturanga push up. But, that's okay. It's all about honoring where you are at, at any given moment.
At my extra session this week, Deirdre reminded us that the literal meaning of the Sanskrit word yoga is "union". It's the combination of the physical and the emotional. It's letting go and taking in. It's leaning into the discomfort, but also listening to your limitations, and respecting the here and now.
Namaste....
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