Day 27: Take a leisurely walk...

I had planned to take my walk @ St. Edward's park and explore some trails I've not yet been on. Yes, even after living near that park for nine years, there are still some trails I've yet to try. That is awesome and a testament to what a fabulous park it is! Love it. I like to refer to it as the Eastside's version of Discovery Park.

However, we were in for Snow Day/No school day #2 and the girls were my sidekicks for the day. So, I opted for a less intensive walk and one we could all enjoy.

As much as I love St Ed's, the trails behind Finn Hill Jr. High (that sync up with Big Finn Hill Park) are high up on my list. We can be on them in 5 minutes. After about just 2 minutes on the trails, you are in the woods. It's peaceful. It's quiet. It smells heavenly. Love. Love. Love. It's truly one of the reasons we will never leave the Hill or 98034 (unless Jeff's job takes us to the East coast, but that's another story, for another day).

In fact, it was a trail run on these very trails where I came up with the idea for this -40- in -40- challenge. For me, nothing beats a good trail run (sans music) for some good head clearing and brainstorming. It's definitely the time when I have the most creative juices flowing. Perhaps it's the outdoors, the quiet, the feeling of being "away from it all" even if you are in the middle of the suburbs, or maybe a combination of all those things that makes this time so productive.  Whatever it is, I am thankful for the clarity.

The girls and I thoroughly enjoyed our Snow Day Walk. We watched some sledders, the girls made snow angels, Blue got to do lots of sniffing and peeing, and the light (very light) snowfall on the trees and the trails was breathtaking.  See for yourself:

My take away from this task was simple:" Why don't I take a walk for fun more often?" I know the answer to that. It's because I don't think I have the time. Which is ridiculous. I can make the time, I just haven't chosen to do so.

Sheesh! Me thinks I need to do better about that. And I will.
 :)

Day 26: Flower giveaway!

Fun!

I love surprising people!

And it's so fun to take what could be just a "ho hum" ordinary day for somebody and make it one they will remember.  That is the absolute coolest.

It was hard to choose who the recipient was going to be. I bought the flowers in the morning during my Costco run but waited until the afternoon to pull the trigger.

I chose my daughter's Daisy Scout Troop Cookie Mom, Cynthia, because she swooped in and took over the volunteer task from someone else and has done an incredible job. This was our troop's first year of cookie sales so the learning curve was huge. And Cynthia has -3- kids (7, 5 and 2) and works part time as a pharmacist. Yeah, she's got a lot on her plate...


Cynthia has been completely organized, optimistic, and inspiring to the rest of us. She gives "shout outs" to the girls and the parents for their efforts and keeps us informed of how things are going. And she sends really witty emails, to boot. Cracks me up. Thank you, Cynthia, for the giggles!

I feel so fortunate to have her as a friend and as our "Cookie Mom".  It was a total pleasure to drop off some spring blooms to her.  Especially on a day when school was cancelled due to "snow" and there was no snow... :)

How about you? Who are you thankful and grateful to? When was the last time you surprised someone with an unsolicited token of appreciation?

"Do good, feel good". It's really a "win win".....

Day 25: Add another session of yoga into my workout regime.

Words cannot describe how I feel about yoga. To put it mildly, I 'effin LOVE it.

I've been practicing it once a week for the past 2 years. In the past 6 months I've added a second day to the weekly routine of cardio/weights, etc.  My task today was to throw one more in the mix, to up the ante to -3- times. I had every intention of visiting my yoga guru, Heather, at the other gym she teaches at. Sadly, it just was too arduous to fit it in, with the busy week I had planned. So, I re-calibrated and decided to hit a noon power yoga session at my own gym. And I love this instructor, too. She's from Ireland, so she has an irresistible accent. She's also very sweet and very knowledgeable. She recently taught a Detox Yoga workshop that I attended and it was fab, fab, fab!

(Another unexpected benefit of this -40- in -40- challenge is that I am feeling more and more okay with "being flexible" and not being thwarted if a plan doesn't go the way I wanted it to. Those that know me well, know I am a complete planner and thrive on being organized and having a schedule. This new "go with the flow"philosophy is not one that comes naturally for me, but I've come to see how it can bring about more happiness and less disappointment. Nice!)

So, as much as I wanted to hit another "Heather" class,  I went with "Plan B yoga" and it was great. And I felt wonderful the remainder of the day.

I dabbled in yoga years prior to having kids but I was, honestly,  more in it for the "work out" than the mind/body connection. I just wanted "yoga arms"... HA!

But, in the past -2- years it's been a life changer for me. Don't get me the wrong, I still adore the endorphin high of it (my Sunday vinyasa/ashtanga class is a total sweat inducer and every muscle gets worked. And I think I do have pretty nice "yoga arms"...Hee Hee!) but I've finally transcended into the mind/body connection. Which, really, is the whole point of it, yes? 

I've lost most of the self judgement and sense of competitiveness in my practice. Which is pretty huge for me. I'm very competitive. Years of playing soccer, having older brothers, being the youngest of 5 kids, having a husband that is awesome at every type of physical activity (well, except yoga! LOL!) has made me into a pretty dang competitive spirit. I do my very best to let that go in yoga. And it has made all the difference.

At some point at my Sunday morning yoga class, I started placing my mat in the back of the class/studio, away from the mirrors. Unusual for me, because in a "class" environment I usually like to be upfront and be motivated by those around me. That was my first step, if you will, into letting go of any narcissistic competitiveness. I have to trust that my body and my mind are working together so that I have the right form. And I have to trust that my instructors will guide me when I need it. And I have to let go of looking at myself and critiquing how I look or how "good" I am doing. I totally lose myself in the rhythm of the poses. It's like nothing else I've ever done. And, as I said before so crassly: "I effin' love it!".

In giving up the "expectation" of the practice, I've simultaneously lost the fear of failure. I am open to trying more and failing more.

Oddly, I've actually been able to do more things than in the past. I easily pop up into Crow and have just nailed Side Crow and am working on Clown into Headstand. My Warrior 3's are awesome. Standing Splits (hello, tight hamstrings!) are ridiculous but I am working at it and "leaning into the discomfort". It's amazing what your body can do if your mind is on board. And I FEEL the difference, emotionally and physically. It's like the struggle of it is gone. Left in it's place is peace and joy and gratitude for what my body can do. And not every session is the same. Some days, my balance is off or my arms just feel too tired to do one more chaturanga push up. But, that's okay.  It's all about honoring where you are at, at any given moment.

At my extra session this week, Deirdre reminded us that the literal meaning of the Sanskrit word yoga is "union".  It's the combination of the physical and the emotional. It's letting go and taking in. It's leaning into the discomfort, but also listening to your limitations, and respecting the here and now.

 Namaste....

Day 24: Launch "The Happiness Project"....virtual book club.

I got the book "The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun"  from the library about a year ago. I just wasn't in the mood to read it at the time. Then about 3 months ago, I stumbled upon the author's blog and signed up for her daily quotes. Then I requested the book from the library again.

This time around, I am in the mood for it. And it has been a nice accoutrement to my little challenge. It's thought provoking, yet not overly so. It's motivational, but doesn't seem overwhelming. It's a fun read, but not one that I love so much, that I needed to read it in one sitting. Which makes this book more poignant to me, because I read a little and ponder it. And take a break, and then read some more. It's totally working for me.

That said, I don't love every bit of it. But that's the beauty of an inspirational/motivational/self improvement book. You take the pieces that speak to you and you incorporate those ideas into your own life. Hopefully, it helps you become better, happier, kinder, more patient, etc.

So, I decided to spread the word on this book and invite a gaggle of friends to read it. I will buy them each a copy of the paperback edition (it's on pre-order now @ Amazon!) and we will have a virtual book club.

All I ask of my participants is that they do -3- things:

• Read the book by the end of May.
• Let me know what they think about the material, via email, phone, or getting together for coffee or lunch. Potentially, we could meet as a group if everyone wants to. I also plan to create a Facebook page where they can comment as they are reading it. 
• Pay it forward. Once they are done, I ask they pass on the book to someone they know who will enjoy it. And then, that person would be asked to pass it on, as well.

I've got about -9- GF's signed up for the virtual book club and I plan to talk my -2- sisters into it. Plus, I'm perfecting my sales pitch for a few friends who are "on the fence", so to speak. :) If any of my readers want to participate, too, let me know. I can't buy books for everyone, but I'd love to know if you are reading it.

I don't want to give too much away...but one of the parts of the book I LOVED was a discussion on the "arrival fallacy". This is the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination, you'll be happy. Examples are :buying a house, having a baby, landing the job, getting married, etc. The truth of the matter is that arriving at the end goal really just brings about new challenges and new goals. Because "Now that I have the job, I have to do well at the job. Now that I have the house, I need to buy things for it. Now that I'm married, I have to figure out how to be a good spouse". Etc. Etc. Etc. Hence, the arrival doesn't usually make you feel as happy as you thought it would. The goal, then, is to enjoy the process of happiness. How does one do this? According to the author, it's simple: "Enjoy Now".

I like to think of it as the stages of happiness. If grief gets stages (and there are 7 of those!), why can't happiness have more than one phase? Hmmph! So, the Happy Phases, as I see them, are:

• Process of the goal. This is the "Enjoy Now" part. Working towards something, using your skills and engaging in life can definitely make me feel happy.
• Anticipation of reaching the goal. This is the imagination part - where you visualize it and feel excited.
• Fulfillment of actually attaining the goal. Because there is some happiness there, for sure.
• Reflecting back on the process and re-visiting the moment of attainment. Memories are a form of happiness, right? An example: when throwing a party, do you feel happy? Or are you too focused on making sure everyone else is having a good time to actually enjoy yourself? This is another example of how happiness can be delayed. The actual moment of participation can be stressful or chaotic, but remembering the party or looking at photos of the same party can make you feel happy, after the fact. The author refers to this as "fog happiness". Meaning, it's always around you, but if you try to examine it, it's elusive.         .

It's not rocket science or even deep psychology, my friends, but it's a framework to help identify and acknowledge the art of happiness in a way that is tangible, hopeful, and all encompassing. It's not an end goal, it's a process.

Happiness is not all or nothing, black or white. Rather, it's all beautiful shades of gray and it's up to each of us to find it in our daily lives. Yes, your daily life should bring you some measure of  happiness. And as the author outlines in her "Secrets of Adulthood" principles  " Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy". Paradoxical, but I get it. I really do.

And I like it.

Day 23: Gratitude Letter. Thank someone I've never properly thanked.

It was hard for me to choose the person to write to. I had three individuals in mind. Yet I decided to go with someone I have verbally thanked countless times in the years I've known him. But I don't know that I've ever properly thanked him. And by properly, I mean in writing. Which is odd, because I am a huge believer in written thank yous. I think it's somewhat of a lost art that is in dire need of a comeback. Especially with the younger generation. Oh wait a sec! This is not a rant on etiquette. My Bad! :) Back to being grateful...

I chose my husband of 10+ years as my gratitude recipient. There are so many reasons why I am thankful to him, but often these reasons are not spoken of enough. I get busy with the daily grind and can easily lose sight of the Big Picture. And the Big Picture for me is that Jeff works really hard for our family. He has a "big" job. And is responsible for a lot of things. Many of which, I don't really understand. A whole bunch of IT acronyms and buzz words, of which I am not privy. I should listen more and ask more questions. He also travels a lot which is physically hard for him. And I tend to think of it as only being hard on me and the girls. Not true.

When we made the decision for me to stay at home full time, there was not even a hesitation on his part. We were in sync in believing this was a fundamental gift to give our children. We both had stay at home moms growing up and wanted to pay that forward. It's been the absolute right decision for our family. And I am so thankful that Jeff is willing to do what he does, without complaint.

Of course, that is just one of the reasons I am thankful to the man I married.

Without further ado, here is my letter to him:

Dear Jeff,

It’s time to write my “gratitude” letter for the -40- in -40- challenge! And you are the recipient!

I had -3- people in mind for this. Ultimately, I decided you are the one I am most grateful to.

You are such a wonderful Dad to the girls.

You are a great husband and friend to me.

You work hard and don’t fuss about it, allowing me to be home with the girls full time. That is such a blessing. I know it’s got to be stressful to be the sole breadwinner for the family. I know I take it for granted sometimes. I shouldn’t but I do. I get caught up in all that I do and lose sight of the fact that you work really hard for us. I am so grateful.

Our lives would be much more stressful if I was also working. Can you imagine? Yikes! I know our daughters are the confident, happy, secure people they are because of the choices and the sacrifices we’ve made for them. And, you have never wavered in the decision for me to stay at home. Thank you.

You are a great friend. Not just to me, but also to all the “fellas” and your co-workers and people you come into contact with. That’s another gift you are giving to Holly and Sydney- showing them the importance of friendship.

You are kind and considerate and uncomplicated. I know you have the best of intentions to those you love. You don’t over think things, which is good, because God knows I do!

You have a wonderful sense of fun and playfulness. I love this about you. It can drive me a little crazy sometimes, but it’s such a great quality in a person, especially in a parent. I wish I were more inclined to be that way. I also see this trait in the girls and that makes me happy. J

You are goal oriented and have a good eye on the future. I know you are always trying to make the best decisions for our family’s security and well-being. Thank you.

You have worked really hard to focus on your health. I am so grateful for that. We want you around for a long, long time! In doing so, you are also helping to establish this principle in Holly and Sydney. It’s such an important lesson and one that we both should embody, in order to be good role models. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in the last year. Awesome job, sweetie!

I hope you know how much I respect you and love you and like you. J

And I am grateful beyond measure.  Truly, I am.

xoxo , Amy

That's it. That's my letter. Short and sweet and to the point. But it comes from the heart and from a place of absolute love and appreciation.


Here's my challenge to anyone reading this blog entry: "Who are you most grateful to? And have you taken the time to properly thank him/her?" 


Carpe Diem, people. Make the time. You won't regret it.


P.S.  In case anyone is wondering who the other -2- candidates were for this letter: 1) Fr. William Ryan, S.J - my advisor at Gonzaga and one of the finest men I've ever met and 2) Jo Kadleuk who was a coach at a soccer camp I went to in high school. She was one of the first people (outside of family, of course) who believed that I was something special and she helped me to believe it, too.


 I just may need to make the time to write -2- more letters...

Day 22: See -2- Movies in One Day.

How fun is this task? Soooooooo fun.

I've never seen two movies in one day at the theater. So decadent for a Mom who usually watches a kid movie when going to a theater (BTW, Gnomeo and Juliet is actually pretty cute). Obviously, Jeff and I don't get out much! We do have a Date Night on deck, as part of the -40- in -40- challenge. Thank God!

I also got to share this double feature extravaganza with my friend Angie, whom I adore. Smart as a whip, pretty as a picture, and a very good conversationalist (No, Ang, you don't talk too much, I swear!) She's also one of those friends that really listens and asks questions. We met through a mutual friend and just get along famously. A serendipitous friendship, that's what it is. Lucky me!

On to the films: We had decided a few weeks ago to try for "The Fighter" and "The King's Speech". As luck would have it, both movies were playing at the same theater and the times actually worked out.

Amy's movie review:

The Fighter: *****  5 stars, which is my highest rating. Excellent performances by Marky Mark (Sorry, that's just how I think of him! Who can forget those Calvin Klein undies ads? But, boy, has he come a long way!) and Christian Bale. And Amy Adams, too. Anyone who has dealt with addiction with someone they love will appreciate this story. And it's a true story, based on the real lives of boxers/half brothers Micky Ward and Dick Ecklund.

Mark Wahlberg does all the boxing himself (no stunt double) and he is not too bad to look at, I must say. I remember seeing him on 60 minutes earlier this year and he had an actual boxing gym built at his house and trained for like four years for this film. Four years! That's passion.

Of course, I covered my eyes during most of the actual fight scenes but luckily there weren't that many and they weren't overly brutish. And the film ends well. When addiction is part of a story line, the outlook tends to be on the grim side. I could almost feel all the moviegoers around us rooting for the troubled brother (Christian Bale) to straighten himself out. I won't say how it ends up for him, b/c I really think this is a movie not to miss.  Bale's performance is as good as it gets. He already won Best Supporting Actor at the Globes and is nominated in the same category for the Academy Awards.

The Fighter has 7 nominations for the Oscar's and my bet is that one of the supporting roles will take home a statuette this Sunday. My money is on Melissa Leo...

The King's Speech: ***** 5 stars!

Colin Firth. Geoffrey Rush. Guy Pearce. Helena Bonham Carter. Perfection in casting. I mean, really, that's worth 5 stars right there! This movie is fantastic and I will be all kinds of shocked if it does not take Best Picture and Best Actor at the Academy Awards, and possibly Best Original Screenplay. The writer, David Seidler, also suffered from stammering in his youth - and I think his personal history really helped bring the agony of stammering/stuttering to life on the big screen.

Colin Firth already won Best Actor at the Globes and the SAG's so it would be surprising if he gets passed over this Sunday. It's the performance of a lifetime for him. He nails the stammer and the complexity of the character flawlessly. His chemistry with both Geoffrey Rush and Helena Bonham Carter is believable and delightful.

Personally, I felt Geoffrey Rush's performance stole the show. He was witty as hell (another victory for the writers) but Rush's delivery sold it.

Bottom line, I will see this movie again. And I will probably like it even more the second time. I think I missed a few jokes (those accents can be tricky to follow) and I would love to see it with Jeff. I know he would enjoy the heck out of it. The cussing scene is da bomb. Seeing a king (well, an actor playing a king) mutter "shit" and "bugger" and "tits" is priceless.

And I bet it's going to the big winner this Sunday: Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor and possibly Best Original Screenplay. That would make me smile.

Now, if I can just see Black Swan and Winter's Bone before Sunday...wish me luck! :)

Day 21: Visiting Mom @ the cemetery.

'Twas Winter Break on Thurs/Friday so the girls and I scooted over to Yakima for the day to visit with Mom/Grandma Angel...

What a beautiful day for a drive - roads were bare and dry and the sun was shining! The girls were awesome in the car, too. 

We hit Yak by about noon and went to my girlfriend's to see her new townhouse. YAY Diana! So proud of you on buying your first home. Not an easy venture as a single Mom....way to go! Another girlfriend, Michelle, was there with her new baby, Tanner. Cute, cute, cute little boy. It's so fun to spend time with friends who have known me since junior high. We may not see each other often, but it seems like we pick up right where we left off.

It's also fun to see each other in the Mom role. Who would have thought we'd all turn out to be excellent Mommies? From soccer practice, to Homecoming dances, to keggers in the middle of the boonies, to first loves and first heartbreaks, to college and then marriage and/or kids. It's been a journey for all of us and I have to say to these special friends: I love you and I thank you! :)

After lunch with all the girls (and Baby Tanner) at Red Robin, it was time to hit the cemetery. The girls were actually excited to do this. I talk about my mom a lot and I think in many ways, they feel they know her. It's very sweet. Once we got to the right area of the cemetery and parked the car, I started unloading (flowers and supplies to clean off the headstone). Meanwhile, Holly and Sydney opted to run around with their RR balloons. It was quite an emotional sight. Pics below, so see for yourself. 

My mom took care and time to choose the exact location she picked at the cemetery. There is a gorgeous tree (well, not so much in the winter!) and the view from her "spot" is really wonderful. I know she wanted a place that her kids and grandchildren could come to and find peace. And we do. What a gift that was to us. 

The epitaph, under her name, is "Remember Me, Loving You".  Perfection.

Of course, I had my "ugly cry" as I always do when I am there and have a little chat with my Tiny Mom.   

Which leads to Holly crying and hugging me. And then Syd joins in too. But I wouldn't want it any other way. Life is a crazy beautiful thing. That is what I know for sure.

 It's hard to explain but losing a parent is such a humbling, gut wrenching experience. Especially so, I think, if that parent has been ill for awhile.  Seeing the fragility of our parents is both troubling and sad. And it's a right of passage that probably always comes before we are prepared for it.  I had years to get ready for my mom's death (and there were several close calls during her 12 year battle with leukemia), but when the moment came I was incredulous that she was really, really gone.  I was left standing there thinking "how did this happen" and "I am not ready". But, I also felt incredibly thankful that someone I loved with my whole heart was no longer in pain or suffering. There's such relief in that.

About a week before my mom died (she was on Hospice care), I was helping her to the bathroom. She was on so many meds that she was very weak and her mind would check in and check out. But as we made our way to the bathroom she said to me, clear as a bell  "Amy, I see it. And it's wonderful. I am free. I am running. No Groshong. (This is a long term intravenous catheter in your chest for drugs once your veins are shot to shit from so many medications). "I am running and I am free". Her blue eyes were shining and she stood up straighter than I'd seen in a long, long time. And then, she checked out again. She slumped down and I basically had to carry her back to bed.  I will never, ever forget that moment. I know what she saw was real. It was her Heaven and she was ready. 

And it's that memory that I go to whenever I am pissed off or feeling sorry myself that she isn't here anymore. I think of Tiny Mom, free and at peace. And I am comforted. Some days more so than others, but that's something. Isn't it?